I think i was right..
I think the only way i will ever be & stay happy is for everything to go the way i originally planned from the beginning.
Single with my child..
and Happy.
I cant think of anything else that would make me happy,
besides living on a beach ;)
but maybe that will come in time.
with lots of money and a good job of course.

AIRFORCE

So today i called a recruiter to set up an appointment.

and we got through some information,

we get to the tattoo part,

and i cannot join BECAUSE I HAVE A TATTOO ON THE BACK OF MY NECK.

omg!!!

are you fucking serious?!?!

im pissed.

this is something i really wanted to do.

i was gonna try to do something with my life.

and i cant.

fuck it!

Brown eyes;;So true!

BROWN EYESEither sexy as hell or are adorable. Loves to make new friends. Their relationship tends to be very honest because if they aren't truly in love, then the relationship won't work. They fall easily for their best friends. Will do anything for that special person. Kind and polite. Enjoys being with their guy/girl. LOVES to party. Can make ANYONE laugh or cheer them up. Loves to please the one they care for or love. The BEST ones at sex . is NOT THE PERSON YOU WANT TO PISS OFF WILL KNOCK YOU OUT!!!!! ( STRAIGHT BAD ASS) Amazing Kisser.

Thinking about you

So i think everyone in my past deserves a second chance.

not at a relationship,

just a friendship..

or to just let go of all of the things that have happened.

and move on.

i don't want to hold grudges anymore.

i just want to be happy and keep doing what i can to stay happy.

i'm still single,

but i'm not looking.

my heart is still taken.

and i am mentally involved with someone, and physically.

but were not TOGETHER.

He understands how i feel, and i have explained my feelings to him.

so that's all that matters.

i don't like dishonest people,

and i wont become one.

.........................................................

on another note, i have made a few new friends recently..

and reconciled with a few old ones.

=]

and i am thrilled to death.

i cant wait till i can afford to move.

i am completely sure where i want to reside.

and that my home.

in Clarksville,

its nothing special..and it sucks a lot of times..

but what place doesn't?!?!

tell me one and then we can talk.

but its where my heart is..

my family, and my friends.

<3

and that is all i want.

thanks for reading!

have a wonderful day.

Sick of being unhappy.

I just can't seem to be happy anymore i dont get it.

no matter what i do, or what i try to make myself happy...

it just doesnt work!

at all...

i give up

What would you do?

Okay. so i am single, and i am happy this way. but it seems like as soon as i get happy being single, all these great guys come out, and they tell me they like me. which is great!

But...why now? why not like a few months ago? it seems like they all came at me at one time.

and i am talking about like 10! when i am with someone guys respect me enough to leave me alone. "most of them" but when i am single and i am finally content with that..

they all hit me up at one time. lol... i mean don't get me wrong, i am happy they told me.

But i am soo confused. i have my eye set on this ONE guy, and in case your reading this.

"i told you i was mad at you for us not being able to see each other right now".

=] and i am not the type of girl to talk to like 10 guys at a time.

i will talk to them and decide who i like. then just let all the other ones know i am talking to someone. even though i am single i don't want to lead anyone on. that's just plain out MEAN.

but.. i dont know what to do.. i want to move and be with him soo bad! but...i know i need to wait. and let us get to know each other better first, and hang out...ect... that's the right thing to do! although that's hard, i just want to be with him. i ALWAYS MOVE TO FAST IN RELATIONSHIPS! and i hate it, its soo hard not to do!

-AnYwAyS-

Another subject... I am suppose to be going to Clarksville Tomorrow to pick up my piece of shit broken down car, towing it here to my house. then i don't know what were gonna do with it?

then, Saturday i am going to be in Clarksville, My friend Jarrett is coming to get me since i have NO transportation! and i will be getting drunk with him and his friends!! =] Theeeeen

Monday i have another Test. and TUESDAY, a special someone...named::Brandon is coming to get me and we are gonna have fun fun fun! at least i hope its fun! ha ha, no I'm just playing.

I'm always fun to be around! anyways i am sooooooooooo excited! then after that i don't know what i am doing. my main priorities are...FIXING MY CAR! GETTING A JOBBB! and moving! oh i am sooo ready to have my own damn place. not by myself though! I'm to scared to live alone. and i have a certain person in mind... but when we get a place together its gonna be in Knoxville, I'm sure. =] which is fine and dandy with me! AWAY from Nashville & Clarksville, is what i need! a FRESH start! wish my luck! and show me love.

the worst luck ever

So today i drove to clarksville, on the interstate..
stuck in traffic going 5 MHP for about 20 minutes.
got off my exit.
got to peachers mill.
went to Keiths moms house and gave her the rest of his stuff.
got my stuff put it in my car...
drove about a mile, and my car died!!!!
JUST DIED.
didnt do anything crazy at all...
but these nice people stopped and tryed to jump me....
it didnt work...
so i called my sister to come get me, and she tried as well to jump me.
and it didnt work.
it will turn over but wont start..
i hate my fucking car!
its always breaking down when i need it the most.
i fucking hate it!!!!!!!!
so now i have to wait till sunday and have my mom come get me...and possibly my car.
i hope the guy who lives at the house i parked it at wont tow it.
other wise im fucked.

you spin my head right around

I hate being attracted to a man.

its like it completely overwhelmes my body and secludes anything else in this world.

all i want is to be with him.

but i know i need to hold back for a while.

you dont need to jump into a relationship,

unless you are mentally & physically out of another.

and i would feel terrible if i did that.

he deserves better and so do i.

i just hope when that time comes and i am ready to move on,

he will still be there waiting for me.

if not then i guess it wasnt meant to be.

So i guess we'll see.

Music

Gosh i love hip hop!! well i love music period, but i have to say Hip hop and rap top them all. most people don't understand why women like it...since most of it is degrading to women. but i am not a slut, a whore or an of the things they talk about so i think its funny! haha..and they talk about the real things in life and if you actually sit and listen you might learn a thing or two. but some people act like they cant understand it. how about all those hardcore metal songs? when there screaming their brains out, i cant understand that. those songs make me want to slit my wrists and cry and shit. that's weird if you ask me. plus i can relate to hip hop and rap. it seems like every song that comes on after i listen to it..i am always saying...wow that sounds like me! or that reminds me of...this...blah blah...ect. but i dont just like hip hop and rap..i love break beats, techno, country and a few other selections...country use to be my favorite when i was a kid. so i dont know a lot of the new stuff. unless it comes on the radio stations i listen to. Techno!!! ahh i love it! just listening to the beats gets my heart racing... anyways i just thought i would talk a little about something new. =]

Done trying

I don't quite know how much more i can handle.i am miserable.i am not happy with my life.i cant find a job, and i have 2 wait 2 get my ABC license to get a bar tending job.which takes like 1-12 days...it varies...plus..i don't wanna be that lazy girl with no job.i love working!i am very independent and i like being that way.when i have a job i am very stable.and i don't have near as much stress in my life.I didn't get the right closure from Keith that i need.and i don't know if i should even try to talk to him, so there is peace.i don't want any1 to think i am leading them on,but when i am single i tend to flirt.but i am single so i don't see the harm.and i am not ready 4 a relationship right now by any means!i miss my friends in clarksville, but after what happened today i don't know who to trust, and i don't like the way the economy is turning out...clarksville is just too rough.i mean its not any better than Nashville, but where i live nothing bad happens to anyone i know.so it doesn't effect me.&&&Okay so i have liked this guy "i'm not saying names" for about 6-8 years now.he has a job, and a child.. which is what i want.but..he is friends with a few of my ex's.the past 3 to B exact.& i don't think its a good idea.but its hard to restrain myself.when u are physically and mentally attracted 2 sum1 its hard to keep yourself away from them, and not talk to them.but i don't know if he feels the same way.?????
and i don't wanna ask b-cuz i don't want a relationship yet.plus i like 1 other person.but i don't know if we are right for each other.but right now i don't want anything permanent.
b-cuz i have a lot of plans for the next few months anyway, and i am not letting any1 come between Wat i want to do anymore.i have always put my life on hold for other people.& this time, everything is about me!i just want 2 live my life 2 the fullest and B as happy as i can be, a good job, i like and money i can live on my own with.fix my car, sell it and buy a truck.then vacations... & me time..,then i can work on other things like...relationships...ect.i really need some1 as a FRIEND that will stand by me..and not question my happiness,just B happy for me!
..i just want to live a normal life..

The past is the Past

Things that you leave in your past are suppose to stay there.

there is a reason why the people in your past didnt make it to your future.

so just let it go and move on with your life.

Inspirational Motivation.

Two people i know got shot last night. wow! i have never had to say that before. ever in my life! its scary to even think about it. i was laying in the bed texting a friend. who i am suppose to see this Friday. and i hadn't heard from him all day which was very uncommon. so i texted him once more to see if he was okay. he called me and here i am Rambling like a female about my day and what not. and i stopped for a second...asked him how he was..and to hear someone actually say.."I could be better, i got shot today" took my breath away. LITERALLY i couldn't breathe... never in my life have i ever thought about something so...horrific, i was flabbergasted! then to find out not only did he get shot 2 times, my other friend got shot in the face. i mean are you kidding me? what the hell is this world coming to?? you don't just go around shooting for no reason. Anyway. ahh! the day before i had just talked to him, we made plans to have fun and go out. and now this!? i am not disappointed cause we cant go out, i'm mad as hell i cant go see him right now and take care of him. and make him feel like everything is gonna be alright as long as i am there! i want to murder someone. SERIOUSLY. I hope and Pray someone can stop me from doing so. i have been to jail, it is not fun. but i would do it if it came down to it i swear. hell id only serve like 10 years anyways. This is attempt of murder. Am i right? and i bet this man who did this crime gets a fucking clap on the wrists and a finger pointed in his face, and gets to go home soon there after. i just dont know what to do or say. when i love someone as a friend, boyfriend, friend of the family...whatever, i love hard..and i love them forever. no matter what! and he is a very good friend to me i have known for like 8 years! and he has a child! how could you even think of doing that?!?! well all i can say is friday, i hope i dont go to jail. and i hope he knows i am there for him!

i love my life!

I can already tell i am so much happier now!

with school and being single...ugh

i cant think of anything better!

other than getting a job.

which will come soon.

=]

don't get me wrong i still love Keith with everything in me.

but..i think things are better off this way.

as usual my class was amazing tonight!

we learned about 30 drinks yesterday,

the day before that about 11-15,

and today i think we learned like 20-30.

but these were a little easier today..

like Rum and Coke??

come on now!?!?

but its nice to learn somethings easy,

then do a few hard ones one day.

Well i guess there isn't too much else that's new with me..

i made a few new friends in class.

=]

Kasey, shes just like me!

and Chris, hes a sweet southern guy..

and both of them are really nice!

but that's all!!

=]

thanks for reading.

Bar tending class

So yesterday..was my first class!
it was AMAZING!
i must say this has got to be the best decision i have ever made!
event though this was just the first day i am blown away.
i learned things i had no idea about..
i cannot wait until tonight!!!
Galliano has got to be my favorite cause i get to do a trick with the bottle!

I had a cool ass partner!
She was just like me..
Clumsy and messy!!!
haha

This new life of mine.

So the 25th of this month Keith and I broke up,
and although i do love him to death i am much happier this way!
I have already started to move on, i went the other day and signed up for Bar Tending classes =]
something i have always wanted to do!
I start June 2nd, and the classes last everyday for 2 weeks.
a total of 40 hours, which isn't bad at all!
I go every night from 6-10 and it is so cool,
the classes are set up just like a bar and all we do all day is make drinks and take tests!!!

But, Keith and I are okay, even though we aren't together we are still in love, were just better off not being together.
I have had so many people telling me and asking me to just work it out with him, but HELLO do you not get it?
i want to be single, Keith and i are friends...for now and i am happy with that.
other than all that...nothing new has happened..
oh oh oh!!!
and the 15th of June i am suppose to graduate from Bar tending classes,
and they have a 95% Job placement.
so i'm not job hunting anymore i am just going to wait till i graduate then i will be bar tending!!!
=]
I'm so excited!