the worst luck ever

So today i drove to clarksville, on the interstate..
stuck in traffic going 5 MHP for about 20 minutes.
got off my exit.
got to peachers mill.
went to Keiths moms house and gave her the rest of his stuff.
got my stuff put it in my car...
drove about a mile, and my car died!!!!
JUST DIED.
didnt do anything crazy at all...
but these nice people stopped and tryed to jump me....
it didnt work...
so i called my sister to come get me, and she tried as well to jump me.
and it didnt work.
it will turn over but wont start..
i hate my fucking car!
its always breaking down when i need it the most.
i fucking hate it!!!!!!!!
so now i have to wait till sunday and have my mom come get me...and possibly my car.
i hope the guy who lives at the house i parked it at wont tow it.
other wise im fucked.

you spin my head right around

I hate being attracted to a man.

its like it completely overwhelmes my body and secludes anything else in this world.

all i want is to be with him.

but i know i need to hold back for a while.

you dont need to jump into a relationship,

unless you are mentally & physically out of another.

and i would feel terrible if i did that.

he deserves better and so do i.

i just hope when that time comes and i am ready to move on,

he will still be there waiting for me.

if not then i guess it wasnt meant to be.

So i guess we'll see.

Music

Gosh i love hip hop!! well i love music period, but i have to say Hip hop and rap top them all. most people don't understand why women like it...since most of it is degrading to women. but i am not a slut, a whore or an of the things they talk about so i think its funny! haha..and they talk about the real things in life and if you actually sit and listen you might learn a thing or two. but some people act like they cant understand it. how about all those hardcore metal songs? when there screaming their brains out, i cant understand that. those songs make me want to slit my wrists and cry and shit. that's weird if you ask me. plus i can relate to hip hop and rap. it seems like every song that comes on after i listen to it..i am always saying...wow that sounds like me! or that reminds me of...this...blah blah...ect. but i dont just like hip hop and rap..i love break beats, techno, country and a few other selections...country use to be my favorite when i was a kid. so i dont know a lot of the new stuff. unless it comes on the radio stations i listen to. Techno!!! ahh i love it! just listening to the beats gets my heart racing... anyways i just thought i would talk a little about something new. =]

Done trying

I don't quite know how much more i can handle.i am miserable.i am not happy with my life.i cant find a job, and i have 2 wait 2 get my ABC license to get a bar tending job.which takes like 1-12 days...it varies...plus..i don't wanna be that lazy girl with no job.i love working!i am very independent and i like being that way.when i have a job i am very stable.and i don't have near as much stress in my life.I didn't get the right closure from Keith that i need.and i don't know if i should even try to talk to him, so there is peace.i don't want any1 to think i am leading them on,but when i am single i tend to flirt.but i am single so i don't see the harm.and i am not ready 4 a relationship right now by any means!i miss my friends in clarksville, but after what happened today i don't know who to trust, and i don't like the way the economy is turning out...clarksville is just too rough.i mean its not any better than Nashville, but where i live nothing bad happens to anyone i know.so it doesn't effect me.&&&Okay so i have liked this guy "i'm not saying names" for about 6-8 years now.he has a job, and a child.. which is what i want.but..he is friends with a few of my ex's.the past 3 to B exact.& i don't think its a good idea.but its hard to restrain myself.when u are physically and mentally attracted 2 sum1 its hard to keep yourself away from them, and not talk to them.but i don't know if he feels the same way.?????
and i don't wanna ask b-cuz i don't want a relationship yet.plus i like 1 other person.but i don't know if we are right for each other.but right now i don't want anything permanent.
b-cuz i have a lot of plans for the next few months anyway, and i am not letting any1 come between Wat i want to do anymore.i have always put my life on hold for other people.& this time, everything is about me!i just want 2 live my life 2 the fullest and B as happy as i can be, a good job, i like and money i can live on my own with.fix my car, sell it and buy a truck.then vacations... & me time..,then i can work on other things like...relationships...ect.i really need some1 as a FRIEND that will stand by me..and not question my happiness,just B happy for me!
..i just want to live a normal life..

The past is the Past

Things that you leave in your past are suppose to stay there.

there is a reason why the people in your past didnt make it to your future.

so just let it go and move on with your life.

Inspirational Motivation.

Two people i know got shot last night. wow! i have never had to say that before. ever in my life! its scary to even think about it. i was laying in the bed texting a friend. who i am suppose to see this Friday. and i hadn't heard from him all day which was very uncommon. so i texted him once more to see if he was okay. he called me and here i am Rambling like a female about my day and what not. and i stopped for a second...asked him how he was..and to hear someone actually say.."I could be better, i got shot today" took my breath away. LITERALLY i couldn't breathe... never in my life have i ever thought about something so...horrific, i was flabbergasted! then to find out not only did he get shot 2 times, my other friend got shot in the face. i mean are you kidding me? what the hell is this world coming to?? you don't just go around shooting for no reason. Anyway. ahh! the day before i had just talked to him, we made plans to have fun and go out. and now this!? i am not disappointed cause we cant go out, i'm mad as hell i cant go see him right now and take care of him. and make him feel like everything is gonna be alright as long as i am there! i want to murder someone. SERIOUSLY. I hope and Pray someone can stop me from doing so. i have been to jail, it is not fun. but i would do it if it came down to it i swear. hell id only serve like 10 years anyways. This is attempt of murder. Am i right? and i bet this man who did this crime gets a fucking clap on the wrists and a finger pointed in his face, and gets to go home soon there after. i just dont know what to do or say. when i love someone as a friend, boyfriend, friend of the family...whatever, i love hard..and i love them forever. no matter what! and he is a very good friend to me i have known for like 8 years! and he has a child! how could you even think of doing that?!?! well all i can say is friday, i hope i dont go to jail. and i hope he knows i am there for him!

i love my life!

I can already tell i am so much happier now!

with school and being single...ugh

i cant think of anything better!

other than getting a job.

which will come soon.

=]

don't get me wrong i still love Keith with everything in me.

but..i think things are better off this way.

as usual my class was amazing tonight!

we learned about 30 drinks yesterday,

the day before that about 11-15,

and today i think we learned like 20-30.

but these were a little easier today..

like Rum and Coke??

come on now!?!?

but its nice to learn somethings easy,

then do a few hard ones one day.

Well i guess there isn't too much else that's new with me..

i made a few new friends in class.

=]

Kasey, shes just like me!

and Chris, hes a sweet southern guy..

and both of them are really nice!

but that's all!!

=]

thanks for reading.

Bar tending class

So yesterday..was my first class!
it was AMAZING!
i must say this has got to be the best decision i have ever made!
event though this was just the first day i am blown away.
i learned things i had no idea about..
i cannot wait until tonight!!!
Galliano has got to be my favorite cause i get to do a trick with the bottle!

I had a cool ass partner!
She was just like me..
Clumsy and messy!!!
haha